nothing gold can stay...

this summer has been absolutely fabulous. today was the last day of my summer intensive japanese program. i came away from it stronger, more independent, and obviously knowing a hell of a lot more japanese. i've been thinking about it and, for me, this is the best summer i've had in memories. there are so many reasons why, it's hard to list them all. but you know me and lists... so i'll try.

# nursing is finally starting to feel like it's taking a back seat in my life. i'm still working weekends, but somehow, that doesn't seem to matter. i actually felt free this summer, which was the exact opposite of the truth.
# i came into the course thinking that i wouldn't really make any friends - at least i wasn't holding out hope that i would. i half expected the class to be full of anime-kids and gamers... (that turned out to be painfully true of the second year students only.) much to my surprise, however, i bonded with five wonderful, beautiful, perfect, amazing people. i truely feel honored to have been able to meet such great people. without them, i don't think i could have made it through the long, long days and all of schwartz's attempts at the CCs. i can really go on and on at this point, but that will probably make me a little too nostalgic for comfort at the moment, so to sum up i would like to just say: Thank You.
# i feel like my life is actually gaining some direction for the first time in a long time. i don't know exactly what it is i'm going to be doing when i grow up, but i feel like i'm closer to answering that question than ever. teaching english abroad is becoming a very strong desire. traveling in general, i'm realizing, is a must in my life. there is so much out there that nursing cannot offer, and i want to be a part of it more than ever.
# i wasn't going to take this course because, honestly, i was afraid to let myself be too busy. i didn't want to feel rushed, or that i wasted my summer away. that attitude has actually been present as far as i can remember - i don't like to commit to things that might be difficult. i usually take the easy choice and coast through life. i didn't register until two days before the course and was still planning on dropping it. -- for those of you that don't know, the class was monday through friday, 9-4, and i work every saturday and sunday 7-7. so, this pretty much meant i had 10 weeks straight without a day off. i feel like this summer taught me that i can make it through tough times. i learned how to be organized. more importantly, if you are doing something you are passionate about, no matter how much is required of you, you will love it. honestly, the opposite is happening: i'm sad to see it all end.
# this summer i've felt more independent than i ever had in my young adult life. james had his internship this summer every monday through friday, and i had my class + weekend work. the time we spent together was very little. it might not sound too bad, but i wasn't convinced that i was going to be able to handle it. as i reflect back, i feel like i've developed a clingy personality over the years of being with the same person. we never have been away from each other for an extended amount of time, and we certainly always fit in together time. this anti-independence alone was starting to worry me, but it's a tough thing to identify a personal weakness and then actively change. the japanese program alone didn't make me more independent, but it kept me focused, and through all of my friends help i learned that me, by myself am a whole person with my own opinions and ideas and likes and dislikes and these people are my friends not just through association, which is something i wasn't totally convinced of before.

all in all i'm extremely happy right now, and i'm looking forward to my future.