and the wind blows

this weekend was a bit of a stressful one. primarily because this was my weekend to work. friday i had a lovely 8 hour class, followed by a 4 hour shift by myself. saturday i had a 12 hour shift 7a-7p, again by myself - meaning they again pulled me from orientation early. i've really come to terms with being on my own. i feel that i am ready, and that is one less thing on my mind. saturday, as i was eating lunch - at Panera, my usual - i had a pleasant surprise. Vin saw me and stopped and we chatted away the rest of my lunch break. i was really thankful for that, it cheered up my day to see a friendly face. sunday, i am being forced to work nights. it does suck a little, but after getting here, all the people around me made me feel so much better. especially my new favorite nurse, cel. <3. they all helped me out with a bit of a stressful patient/parent situation. i forgot how much night shift-ers help each other out. it was also a pleasant surprise.

today, earlier in the day, the weather outside was rather crappy. extremely windy, dark clouds on the horizons, spots of rain here and there... but still a bit warm. i was laying in bed, minding my own business, when CRASH! the wind actually blew the window [pane and all] in! i thought immediately back to the night josh smashed kristen's grandfather's window, then directly after that thought, i thought we were being robbed. much to our dismay, it was just the wind. the wind! thats ridiculous! [at least i thought so, cel informed me at work that the same happened to her back in the day]. james and i were having a terrible fight today as well. i don't know what i am going to do with him :/. i love him, but at times i know i shouldn't. at times i know that our fighting will never end. i cannot live without emotion, and he can't live with [any] of it.

i feel like my inner spirit is calming down. despite all of the commotion today, i really do. i feel more at peace. i hope to continue this inner trend. i also feel more motivated. right now that doesn't mean too much, because i'm still severely unmotivated... but baby steps. i feel a change coming.