I need

... to slow down. My will power is like 0. I have to start taking time for myself.

I'm done working forever!

... or at least for 2 days. I am the tiredest. I felt like a corpse on Christmas Day. I believe there were even a few tears from frustration/exhaustion. But now the crazy holiday work schedule is over! Thank the Lord.

I hope to exchange gifts with everyone soon aka, today or tomorrow. James and I exchanged, and his was amazing. He got me this cute digital camera. I can't express how much I like it. There will definately be many pictures in the future. He also got me the cutest pink coat.

I just woke up after a 10 hour sleep, if this is a bit incoherent... thats why, suckers!

Cookies!

I am making an Official Invitation: Tomorrow, Tuesday, December 19 There will be Christmas Cookie making at the DeLisio/Turnshek residence. All are welcome to attend to make their favourite holiday cookies.

Ready, Set, Bake!

!

I have decided I really want a digital camera for christmas. Perhaps I will be able to purchase one for myself after the holidays with my holiday paycheck. I have far too little pictures of our friends and the good times we have. I am wierd like that, I don't want to forget memories, and pictures are my proof.

My life is too busy. I feel like I am missing out on so much just to be at work to be yelled at because some parents feel like taking their frustrations out on me. Awesome. I was actually crying at work two days ago because of such a family. Good thing the person never apologized, but after I had the family the second day, they all told me how I was a "magnificent" nurse. It's just too much for my emotions to take sometimes. Coupled with little sleep, little actual good nutrition, and little time to be with James... I just become sad and withdrawn. There are things I like about being a nurse, but some that I just can't take. What would my dream job be? One where I can travel the world, see new cultures, learn and become fluent in perhaps one or two other languages (to be reasonable... the Dutch speak 4 languages on a daily basis!), and where I can make enough money to be comfortable. Listed in order of importance to me. Good thing I'm in the right profession (sarcastic face). Sigh.

I am going to clean the house today, Christmas shop with Maria, make dinner, and wrap gifts. I also really want a good Christmas CD. This year I've been really in the Christmas spirit.

It's been days!

We finally got our internet turn on in our new place, but alas my computer is still not set up so I am borrowing James's for now. We are heading to Em and Jay's for foods and movies... and I'm leaving in... like... now! More to come later. (I haven't forgotten about you, little blogspot.)

Catching up from the Holidays...

The weekend was wonderful. I truely love being at my gramma's house. We went shopping on Black Friday as tradition goes, but this year didn't end up buying too much. Saturday was went to Sue's house so that I could see the boys for the holiday, and it was nice. I think they really appreciated the fact that they meant so much to me.

This year, I don't think I stopped to think about what I was thankful for due to work. (I actually was rather miserable at work on Thursday). So sitting here now, in the trend of my fellow bloggers, I will list the things I am thankful for:
1. James - always first and foremost in my life. We have been best friends since we met. He is always there to care for me and help me in any way he can. I would be lost and very very lonely without him in my life.
2. Gramma - I believe that my gramma is my soulmate, which is weird to think about. I have always named her as my Hero anytime the question has come up. I am thankful she is in good health, and despite last years multiple family deaths, she is in rather good spirits. <3.
3. My family in general - when I am with my family [read as mother's side] I am automatically in a good mood. There is always so much laughter and love when we get together. I am always 100% comfortable around them and everything just feels right. I wouldn't trade em for the world.
4. My friends - I know it sounds cliche but, my friends are very important to me, and I think I have finally found a group that put all the others to shame. We can play board games, make dinner, go shopping, hang out, critique movies, share books, share thoughts, and whatever else you can think of, and know we're going to have a great time doing it. I don't need to be on show and likewise neither do they when we are together. Hats off to you all!

We are moving this week, so there probably won't be too much blogging going on. Soon things will calm down... they better! I've been so busy lately I can barely think straight!

The Man in Black

Last night James, Beth and I went to see Walk the Line. It was amazing. The best part about it, every actor in that movie did their own singing. Reese Witherspoon's hair is fabulous and Joaquin Pheonix is dreamy. The movie was set in the early days of Cash's fame and courtship of Carter. I will gladly go to see it again.

After the movie, we all went to the good ol' EnP in Irwin where we ran into Joel and Chuck. It's been ages since I've last seen Chuck. Pretty much the entire evening they were wrapped in hockey-talk and speculation over Crosby's future career. I wasn't too interested in all of that, so Beth and I talked a lot about weird body facts/unusual people at work. [Reflecting a bit on the past few days, most of my conversation with others have been very random and interesting. I'm glad I don't have to cookie-cut every idea and repeat the same old banter. You never really get to know someone by just talking about the weather and How's work?]

For Thanksgiving I am working during the day, James's mom and brother Alex are in Florida, his father, Steve, and Matthew are going to be in New York City, so I'm afraid that leaves James a little lost puppy for this year's holiday. We will be going in later that night to my gramma's house in Ohio to see my family and pick at the day's leftovers. I guess that makes things a little better... at least we'll get turkey at some point in the day.

Marty is trying to give us moving-out woes, and it is working on my nerves. Why can't we end up with a landlord/company that we actually trust? bah!

Last Night:

Joel won.

Things that I like:

1. Banana Nut Crunch
2. James's cat Jack
3. American Psycho
4. the way my pillow feels on my face in the morning
5. long showers
6. Pumpkin Pie
7. making lists
8. my car
9. IKEA showrooms
10. hair care products

This and That

We are moving at the end of this month, it has been decided. It's to a small house in Swissvale, I'm excited and nervous about the whole thing. I don't know why I am uneasy about it. I think I'm also bundling up nervousness about money at the moment. Things should be better after we move in, because rent will be cheaper, and that will be after a nice holiday paycheck from Thanksgiving. Ugh, enough about worries...

I bought new shoes and love them, except they aren't broken in yet. Looks like I'll be wearing band-aids until they are. They are black and look similar to Indian slippers. [Plus they were on sale!]

Last night James and I watched Goodfellas, it was his first time seeing it. Ah, my love for mafia films. Can you tell I grew up Deigo?

I still want to see Shopgirl. Maybe sometime this week we can get a viewing together.

Yum!

Last night Beth and I shared a Pom Wonderful, and has revived my interest/admiration of the fruit.

Also, yesterday I have finished the second book from my book list. Hey Nostradamus! by Douglas Coupland. I highly recommend it. If I had to describe the book, or rather, try to pin it to one genre, I would say Christian Existentialism. It focused a lot about spirituality in the Christian context, and made me think about life in general. It was an easy, inspiring, emotional (begining and ending) book. Kudos to Jason for the recommendation. Next book up: The Brothers K.

I haven't posted in a while, but that doesn't mean that much hasn't happened. Most recently, yesterday night Annie and Jeremiah finally spent some time with James and I. It's because both of our schedules are crazy, Jeremiah with his clinicals, Annie with the paper, and then James's UPG class schedule and finally work for me. We went to Sushi Two on the South side ^_^. My, was it good! I had forgetten my love for sushi. I also had Miso soup and Ginger salad. It's to die for, really. After that, we all went to Coldstone Creamery to grab some not-so -healthy dessert.

After all of the fine eats, we headed to Em and Jay's for some movie watching, and for the last episode of Arrested Development. Beth and Nine stopped by as well. We ordered this great pizza (Chicken Pesto, delish!) and watched 80s classic, Teen Witch. I really am thankful to have such a great group of friends.

Heading to the mall soon with Maria to do a bit of Christmas shopping and to generally hang out/catch up on things.

and the wind blows

this weekend was a bit of a stressful one. primarily because this was my weekend to work. friday i had a lovely 8 hour class, followed by a 4 hour shift by myself. saturday i had a 12 hour shift 7a-7p, again by myself - meaning they again pulled me from orientation early. i've really come to terms with being on my own. i feel that i am ready, and that is one less thing on my mind. saturday, as i was eating lunch - at Panera, my usual - i had a pleasant surprise. Vin saw me and stopped and we chatted away the rest of my lunch break. i was really thankful for that, it cheered up my day to see a friendly face. sunday, i am being forced to work nights. it does suck a little, but after getting here, all the people around me made me feel so much better. especially my new favorite nurse, cel. <3. they all helped me out with a bit of a stressful patient/parent situation. i forgot how much night shift-ers help each other out. it was also a pleasant surprise.

today, earlier in the day, the weather outside was rather crappy. extremely windy, dark clouds on the horizons, spots of rain here and there... but still a bit warm. i was laying in bed, minding my own business, when CRASH! the wind actually blew the window [pane and all] in! i thought immediately back to the night josh smashed kristen's grandfather's window, then directly after that thought, i thought we were being robbed. much to our dismay, it was just the wind. the wind! thats ridiculous! [at least i thought so, cel informed me at work that the same happened to her back in the day]. james and i were having a terrible fight today as well. i don't know what i am going to do with him :/. i love him, but at times i know i shouldn't. at times i know that our fighting will never end. i cannot live without emotion, and he can't live with [any] of it.

i feel like my inner spirit is calming down. despite all of the commotion today, i really do. i feel more at peace. i hope to continue this inner trend. i also feel more motivated. right now that doesn't mean too much, because i'm still severely unmotivated... but baby steps. i feel a change coming.

Gift Wrap, Rent Signs, and Soup

i'm starting to make my holiday purchases. 2 down, 6 or so to go. this is the earliest i've started christmas shopping in history. i'm usually horrible at gift shopping, i either have no idea what to buy or i buy something outrageously expensive. this year i actually have some money with which to buy gift, well that is if i save a little each pay. i am looking forward to Christmas already. I won't be thrilled about the cold and the snow, but the smells, the sights, the people, the times. I'll love those.

went to Kohl's today with Steve and we both purchased items. it was nice and casual. both just kind of blurted out stuff that we find annoying, funny things, and just really random stuff. it was nice.

later tonight will be the first installment of Ethnic Food night with Em and Jason, and possibly Beth. i'm looking forward to it greatly. the last Ethnic Foods night i had, it was spent with Christen and i really miss her and those times. it'll be nice to re-incoorporate my two favorite things again: friends and homemade food!

i'm extremely bummed this morning. our favorite potential house was sold already. :(. there will be others, but i'm nervous about it. the quest for a new living space c o n t i n u e s!

Relax

That was my goal for the day. I am too uptight lately, and i am trying to actively change that. i came back to james' parent's house again, yesterday's car-washing was rained out. my arm now feels like Ralph Machio's when Mr. Miagi told him "wax-on, wax-off."

sometimes i feel like i'm more of a bother to people than a friend. i don't really know what i mean, but don't feel like myself, and haven't in a while. i don't feel like i'm very close with anyone [other than james]. i know self-esteem is definately not a virtue i have much of. listening to Jimmy Eat World makes it a little better. i definately have a negitivity complex, just now, thinking to myself: i don't have anything interesting to write about, i'm not very creative at all, who would even read this?; proves that.

back to the positive. i recieved pictures today from my dad from his halloween with the extended family down in Tennessee. pictured above is my step-sister, Brittany. i loved her the day i met her. and i really do want to be a good older sister model in her life. even if i can't live near her, i still want to be involved. then comes Gia, and i'm not sure i'm ready for a true half-sister. i have only interacted with her when she was about 2 months old, i hope to see her soon so that she feels some sort of sisterly connection with me. it's hard to not be there for the ones i care about. it's not due to lack of caring [even though i convince myself otherwise with sayings of "i'm a horrible sister..." and the like], it's most of the time due to an excess of distance. right now, i cannot leave for an adequate amount of time to see my family.

sometimes i wonder if i would act different if i actually had a closer relationship with my father. we only started getting close 3 or so years ago, but there still wasn't too much communication. last year he started his new family. do i think he loves them more than his old bunch? absolutely not, but i think he's trying to feel loved in return. something i know i didn't give him growing up.

i went to see my gramma last friday just because i had the day off. it worked out perfectly. she made halushki and soup for us, followed by a spaghetti dinner. it was perfect. i told her during this visit how much she meant to me, and that she was my favorite person in the world [while being a little teary eyed]. she smiled and joked "surely, after your mother." i'm not sure, though. i wanted to tell her, aloud, before it was too late. i never said those things aloud to Papa, and i regret that. he knew, but i wanted him to hear it for sure. thoughts of my love for my grandparents take up much of my spare time lately. i cannot tolerate change, in any form, which is causing me to dwell my thoughts.

as for now, i'll keep my thoughts in my head and let my fingers rest. all the while i will try to accentuate the positive.

a day for all the saints

i am in good company with my fellow bloggers, i guess it was peer pressure that i have given into. hence my new account. today is beautiful outside. it's one of those days where you just want to be outside in the sun. the leaves blowing in circles as we drive down the street. just beautiful. i'm coming back to james' parents' house today, mainly just to be with him. i feel relaxed there, more than my 'home' in pittsburgh.

he dropped me off, i got an eggo, let the cats out. and peace. no one else is home here. it's warm and cozy. pretty soon the cats will call for me to let them in. they're like kids. and i love them.

tonight we are winterizing the IS which will give me a good excuse to sit outside. i also want to invest in a digital camera, i think i caught the bug from Em.